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Author Archive

Wolverine Hits Old People

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Storm: Logan! Beast: Good God man! Wolverine: What? Beast: He’s in his sixties! You can’t just– Wolverine: Hey! Wheelchair of death here! Armor: He switched it off! Wolverine: We don’t know what else… Continue reading

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Emma Frost Approves of Swearing

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Beast Likes The Word Girlfriend

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Agent Brand: If I say it’s S.W.O.R.D. business, then that’s exactly what it is, one-eye– Cyclops: I swear to you, I will cut your head off and hide the ****ing body if that’s… Continue reading

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Blame The Beer

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Storm: I said you were heavy. Armor: It’s the beer. Wolverine: Shaddap. – Astonishing X-Men Vol. 3 #26

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If Wolverine Came Up With The Code Names

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Armor: Oh, I couldn’t sleep. I need a new X-name. Beast: This again? Armor: Logan keeps making fun or “Armor.” I’m really tired, Dr. Mccoy. Beast: We’ll get you some coffee. And you… Continue reading

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Wolverine Can Speak Japanese

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Armor: *It’s really shameful that a killer gorilla passes as teacher here. Wolverine: *Since you do nothing but complain, aren’t you shaming your ancestors? Armor: I’m never gonna make X-man. *Japanese – Astonishing… Continue reading

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Where Washed Up X-Men Are Transferred

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Wolverine: Kid… You’re fired. We get back to Earth, you’re demoted to Excalisuck or some damn team. Armor: They were lining up civilians! To kill them! Wolverine: That ain’t the mission. Armor: Have… Continue reading

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The Thing Doesn’t Like Canadians

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Wolverine: Oughta be grateful. The Thing: Grateful? Wolverine: Monstro was practically capped ‘fore you bothered to show. The Thing: Didn’t they come up with a cure for your kind? Wolverine: You got a… Continue reading

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How The X-men Screen Out Fakes

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Nick Fury: How do you know your Colossus is the genuine article in the first place? Emma Frost: I read his mind. Beast: I matched his DNA. Wolverine: I smelled him. Beast: I… Continue reading

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Superman is Better With Words

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Wonder Woman: Superman, I was– Superman: Worried. I get it. But we only want to help. Green Lantern: How come when I said that, she wouldn’t listen? The Flash: Superman’s better with words… Continue reading

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Green Lantern Steals Dates

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Cyborg: Graves knows the Flash doesn’t like working outside of the law because he’s a police officer. He even knows about his relationship with Patty Spivot. Green Lantern: Who’s Patty Spivot? The Flash:… Continue reading

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Green Arrow Tries To Join The Justice League

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Green Arrow: You already know the name’s Green Arrow–world’s greatest archer and best candidate for the Justice League. Green Lantern: Oh, come on. You’re really trying to pitch us? I’ve got a power… Continue reading

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Batman Reveals His Secret Identity To Green Lantern

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Batman: We’re alongside an alien, an Amazon, a human lightning, a cyborg and an Aquaman. As far as I can tell, you and I are the only normal people here. Green Lantern: Wearing… Continue reading

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Green Lantern Touched The Lasso Of Truth

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Wonder Woman: We need to get those men out of the helicopters and somewhere safe. Green Lantern: I’ll get them out of the choppers and to safety. Not to be a good guy… Continue reading

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Green Lantern Doesn’t Know Aquaman Is Real

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Superman: Who are you? Batman: They call him Aquaman. Green Lantern: Aquaman? I thought Aquaman was a sketch on Conan O’Brien. Aquaman: I’m very real. Green Lantern: First Batman’s real, now this? –… Continue reading

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